Stepping Stones and Stumbles
I have one purpose in writing this blog and sharing what I have learnt….that is to help people along in their healing journey and for you to recognise you are not alone. My hope is to get the message out there that there is empowerment and growth through openness and honesty in feeling the feelings that come up along the way (good or bad) and just to know that in order to heal you must begin to feel. For me and many survivors of childhood abuse and trauma, this can be one of the most challenging things to overcome. For many of us, me included, we have spent a large portion of our lives avoiding, denying, burying and numbing our feelings in order to survive……..so when I was told to feel the feelings, I thought…”This will be good…NOT!”
It all started back in March with my first stay at Heal for Life. My stomach was churning and was tied in knots, I was scared, scared because I didn’t quite know what to expect. I figured it couldn’t it get any worst, I was feeling terrible in myself, with my life, and knew I couldn’t carry on doing it alone anymore. I had taken the mammoth step disclosing to close family and friends and simply didn’t know quite what to do…..luckily for me; my husband had found Heal for Life.
Funny thing is I am usually a very independent person and would give anything a go at least once. My healing journey thus far has been the most humbling experience of my life. I have met some beautiful lifelong friends, learnt that it is more than OK to lean on others when you need too and ask for help (it’s not a sign of weakness).
Heal for Life gave me something I couldn’t find anywhere else or even within myself….and that was my voice. I was provided a safe place to release emotions and feel whatever I was feeling at the time. For the first time I was able to connect experience with memory, feelings, emotions and voice. It was an entirely foreign experience for me, but with the support and guidance from the wonderful carers and facilitator I was able to release what seemed to be a lifetime of negative emotions and begin healing.
This last seven months since attending Heal For Life have been the most challenging and rewarding at the same time. I feel like I have been churned and turned around in the wild ocean and washed up on the sandy shore. Along the way I have rediscovered pieces of myself, which have lay dormant or undiscovered for many years.
On my healing journey I have rediscovered a love for writing, drawing and painting and music. I truly believe in the healing power of all these activities and upon reflecting on my life’s events so far have recognised the importance all these things have played in getting me through tough times. I recently found a little saying which express my thoughts beautifully…..Anything that exercises the mind and imagination in a way is a source of happiness…..for this has been true and for many has been a lifeline to express feelings and emotions when I simply couldn’t find the words I needed.
I have also been able to release a lot of negative emotions and feelings and am now getting to a place of balance and harmony. There are still many obstacles and challenges, but I now face them rather than avoiding them, that way they turn into stepping stones, moving me to the next place I need to be in my journey of healing.
This journey is by no means easy….I feels like I begin climbing the mountain and life happens and I fall a few steps back, but never to where I started. The journey can be frustrating at times, but I know it’s one I am now strong enough and worth enough to take. I now know I am not alone and there are others that feel the way I do. I am able to reach out when I need too and know that’s OK. I am learning to be alright with the silence, to unbusy myself and take time for me.
I know I am the person in control of my own destiny and future and am learning to accept myself as I am….I take inspiration and guidance from the people I met along the way, knowing that they too have survived difficult times and have come out the other side better people for it.
Until next week,
Big love & hugs…..T xoxox
Stepping Stones and Stumbles Posted February 9, 2014 by Heal for Life
Stepping Stones and Stumbles